W’s for Were-Things, Since There Are a Million

This is a weird one. Because it’s sometimes a template and sometimes isn’t, and when it’s a template it goes by an L name but creates creatures that begin with W, but it’s a template so broad that each creature you make with it is technically three creatures, it’s not like anything else this month and arguably not like anything else in D&D. It might even be the thing this month mostly likely to be a PC. With all that going for it there was no way I was going to talk about witchknives instead.

D&D has several varieties of were-things. The most common are werewolves, but the rulebooks also have werebears, wereboars, weretigers, wererats, and occasionally dire versions of the same. Lycanthropy is usually a template that lets you rub a humanoid and an animal together until a monsters comes out, and though the resulting creature varies wildly in size, skills, and combat potential it’s universally better than the originals. Were-things don’t always lose their minds under the full moon, but they do always have DR against everything but silver, D&D’s…well, silver bullet for shapeshifters.

It’s this variability that makes them worthwhile. Need a big, strong monster who can throw wagons at the party? Combine a hill giant with a bear! Need a tricky sneak who can survive a few hits? Combine a halfling with a rat! Need a veteran of the Underdark who avoids capture by pretending to be an innocuous animal? Combine a dwarf with a giant bat! Most templates let you turn the original creature into something else, but lycanthropy can change any single creature into dozens of others. They usually have class levels to augment them further, from the obvious orcish werewolf barbarian lord to the significantly more ridiculous merfolk werefrog paladin. And you can add them to a group or adventure based on their race, their animal, their class, or anything else you want. They’re a blank slate you can use to accomplish nearly anything.

In fact, that freedom gets even broader when you strip away the lycanthropy itself and pretend you’ve made up a new creature (take a drink). The hybrid form of a lycanthrope keeps it mostly human but gives it several of the animal’s abilities. Consider the wererat, with its natural bite attack that inflicts disease. That can just as easily be a feral sewer-dwelling creature who sneaks around and ambushes lone victims. You only need to make a few changes. First, strip away the DR or change it to something more flavorful (“DR 5/attacks made in sunlight”). Second, if you don’t specifically want the monster to walk among townsfolk or pass unnoticed as a rat, take away the transforming entirely. It’s not a meaningful part of the CR, and if it doesn’t fit your flavor, don’t bother with it. Third, feel free to ignore the curse of lycanthropy it can inflict with its attacks. It’s probably safe to assume most DMs would be happier without the headache of accidentally cursing their players with combat bonuses. With those gone, there’s nothing left tying you to a specific transforming common-knowledge creature.

I’ve done this several times, especially using the 3E version of the template where you added the animal’s Hit Dice to the base creature’s. Remember when I said I’d spent forever trying to come up with a template for elite creatures? This is really, really close. I don’t always like the amount of number-crunching it takes, and I don’t always want to give tiger powers to my elite elven necromancer, but you could do worse than adding a bunch of levels onto a creature in a way that doesn’t give them overpowered monster abilities.

The only problem I see with lycanthropes, besides the bookkeeping concerns above, is that they’re all physical creatures. There aren’t any werewolf clerics or sorcerers because werewolves are about hitting things, not magic. It’s a bit of a shame, though I feel its limitations make it stronger. “Combine a humanoid and an animal” is already a task with a plethora of options. We don’t really need to make it harder by tacking on magical options too. The lycanthrope does one thing and does it well in an uncountable number of ways. That suffices.

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V is for Vampire, Very Vaudevillian

Four creatures from my love of Halloween made it into this month’s posts: the pumpkin, today’s monster, and two more yet to come. Given what letters remain it shouldn’t be too hard to figure them out.

Vampires in D&D are highly variable, just like they are in real life conventional folk tales real life. The stock D&D vampire has stock vampire powers and weaknesses, but there are also savage vampires and psychic vampires and hopping vampires and really old vampires who don’t look so good and vampire PC races in everything but name. There’s even a vampire class in 4E, which was as successful at starting a line of monster classes as Dracula Untold was at starting a Universal Monsters movie universe. But you probably know the most important bits: undead monster, sunlight bad, eating people good.

In fact, that’s kind of the problem with vampires. Everybody knows about them. If this is your first time on this or any gaming blog, you can probably still rattle off several vampire weaknesses, in order of common awareness: sunlight, stake through the heart, holy symbols, garlic, crossing running water, a compulsion to count dropped objects (that’s right, The Count from Sesame Street is mythologically accurate). Their powers vary, but the hits include flight, transforming into a bat, wall-climbing, a hypnotic gaze, and creating more vampires from people they drink. Variant and cultural vampires mix and match these or adjust them slightly, like the vampire burned by moonlight, but if your DM says “vampire” you already have an idea of what the creature can do and how you can kill it. You even know ninety percent of how it’s going to act: suavely, from the shadows, controlling minions, and probably all done with a very specific impression of Bela Lugosi.

The mystery of vampires is gone. They’re too culturally accessible. Anything that ticks off enough “obviously a vampire” boxes will send the players running for stakes and official Chosen By PelorTM prayer discs. Even the players who metagame the least can make a fair argument that their characters would know at least as much about vampires as the average television viewer does. But if you mix things up and make your own custom vampire with strange, scary, never-before-seen powers, are you actually using a vampire? Aren’t you just using a custom creature to whom you’ve attached the vampire brand? Why would you do that, except to say the word “vampire” to your players and feel smug when they assume something they have every right to assume? Vampires are defined by their weaknesses and powers. If you change their weaknesses and powers, you don’t get to say you’re using a vampire any more, and if you are using their weaknesses and powers for something else, you don’t get to be surprised or disappointed when the players treat it like a vampire anyway. Vampires haven’t meaningfully changed since the days of vaudeville, and it shows. It’s with some effort that I admit the most original take I’ve seen on them is Twilight, where they’re basically angels who can’t fly.

So if we have to use the creature basically as written without any reskinning or change in flavor, the only thing left is to take the creature as written and either turn it up to eleven or put it in places it doesn’t belong. The vampire class actually does a pretty good job of the latter; a vampire normally wouldn’t go dungeon delving or slum it in a tavern or make ineffectual passes at the party barbarian, but PCs do. As a DM I find the former more interesting, and in the Umbrageous Solidality and the Ghost Opera the players had to fight a nosferatu, a Pathfinder monster inspired by the movie of the same name. As with the umber hulk I upped the horror around the vampire, positioning him safely behind waves of minions and a plan greater than the party could reasonably stop. He killed people, he kidnapped others, and at one point he dominated a party member and left them as a sleeper agent until he needed them. At all times he was ahead of the party, and only by slowly dismantling his support structure behind his back were they finally able to challenge him directly. We played the vampire tropes almost perfectly straight but kept the villain far enough away from the party that they couldn’t steamroll him as soon as they heard his accent.

My favorite part of the villain was actually a metagame joke. I told the party he was hundreds if not thousands of years old and he had weird powers from long ago. Despite a few clues here and there, they didn’t meet him until halfway through the campaign, and then I think only one player put two and two together: he was a member of the 3.5E warlock class. His “powers from long ago” were from a previous edition of the game. They were strange and the players weren’t sure how to react to them, but the nosferatu itself was exactly as written and he was eventually killed by sunlight, probably. We didn’t need to mess with the vampire itself to make it interesting, we just needed to do interesting things with it.

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U is for Umber Hulk, Lying in Wait

Today I really wanted to talk about the Friendship is Magic session during Delve Night, where we pitted the players against the show’s heroes, including unicorns, to disable a magical ritual that hurt anybody without friends. But on reflection, I didn’t design that session. I helped with some of it, but I really just took somebody else’s custom monsters and used them. And if I can’t talk about how I used unicorns, I have to talk about the only other U creature anybody can name.

Umber hulks are another creature proprietary to D&D. They’re something like a gorilla covered in chitin with the face of a beetle. They live underground, they burrow, and they’re pretty good at grabbing things and either eating them to death or absconding with them. Their signature ability is a gaze attack that confuses enemies, often baffling them into attacking themselves or each other. Depending on your edition they’re either somewhat clever or startlingly intelligent, and they’re better at guerilla tactics than one might expect from a cave-dwelling bug.

I just realized they use guerrilla tactics and look like gorillas. There is no need to comment about it.

I’ve always liked the look of the umber hulk, but I’ve never found a good opportunity to use them as written. My main problem is the very hit-or-miss confusing gaze. When it hits, players lose their actions bumbling around like fools, which isn’t fun for them. When it misses, the umber hulk loses most of what keeps it from being a boring claw-claw-bite monster like a dozen others at its CR, and that’s not fun for me. The things that make them fun are the things the book trusts the DM to come up with: its lair, its tactics, its priorities, and the way it moves across the battlefield. The good news is that you could take out the gaze and use the remaining stats for any burrowing creature (take a drink), but the bad news is they’re still a lot more work than other creatures are, and a lot of its fluff is also hit-or-miss depending on how the players react.

Instead I went the other way, using the concept of the umber hulk instead of its stats. I used that idea for bosses in two campaigns, both large insectoid creatures who lurked in shadows and had weird, confusing lairs. One passed through walls, grabbed characters, and carted them off, and a significant portion of the fight was trying to save the ranger’s animal companion from its clutches. The other was a Zelda boss, so it didn’t do much until its final battle but I peppered the dungeon with foreshadowing about it, and it was completely immune to damage from everything but environmental effects so the players had to engage it in a set piece instead. The large, crafty monster who attacks from ambush is a fine idea to strike terror in players’ hearts, and if anything the umber hulk’s stats detracted from it, so I made my own. And I got to use my huge umber hulk miniature even though the umber hulk is normally large, so that’s a bonus.

I think Wizards understood some of the issues with the umber hulk given the options they presented for it. I recall one book recommending that DMs give monsters class levels to mix things up, and the example they used was an umber hulk druid. The players would approach it expecting a straightforward fight, then it would cast flame strike and the players would rethink their lives. My first thought when I read that was “that takes seven levels of druid, which isn’t a good fit for the umber hulk’s skills and abilities”, but my second was “that’s a neat idea.” The under-appreciated Enemies and Allies splatbook also had Blind Jak, a traveling umber hulk monk who wore a blindfold so he wouldn’t confuse his allies. Neither of these really works with the flavor of an umber hulk, but I appreciate it when the designers try to make a monster more interesting than it deserves.

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T is for Tyrannosaurus the Great

T was surprisingly difficult, though not for lack of options. My players fought a tojanida while riding on its back, but that was more of a set piece, and that’s a different topic. They’ve fought several titans, but of the “_____ titan” varieties, not the vanilla Monster Manual titan. They fought the tarrasque, but it’s surprisingly underpowered in 4E. We wrote our own version of the troglodyte for the 4E version of Savage Species we never finished, but we didn’t play it. Trolls, treants, tigers, tieflings, thri-kreen, these all made it into campaigns, but I didn’t do anything interesting with them. The only T creature I’ve spun to my satisfaction wasn’t a fight at all. It was window dressing.

A tyrannosaurus is a one-trick pony, even more than the hezrou. It approaches a target, it bites them, it grapples, it swallows, GOTO 10. The specifics of that strategy depend on who you ask; Pathfinder uses a larger tyrannosaurus with significantly higher damage, AC, and Perception but fewer hit points and an easier-to-escape stomach than D&D’s version. Neither book spends any time describing the creature because there’s nothing to say. If you don’t know what a tyrannosaurus is, you’re probably not interested in the stats for dinosaurs.

Truth be told, I don’t really like the tyrannosaurus. It’s normally too blunt for me, and I have a hard time having a dinosaur show up like a villain airlifted one in. I’m more likely to reskin it as anything with a single huge attack, especially one that can incapacitate a player for a while (take a drink). But for various reasons my players have fought several tyrannosauruses over the years. They sit at a good CR for me, at a level where the party is powerful but not “scry, teleport, coup de grâce” powerful. They’re easy to run and they usually strike fear in players’ hearts. The first huge-sized miniature I ever got was a fiendish tyrannosaurus, and I lean toward monsters I can represent on a table. And a tyrannosaur was responsible for one of my early player deaths, when he decided to climb down the creature’s throat to attack it from the inside but did not count on taking bite damage every round while the dinosaur was perfectly happy swallowing at its own pace, thank you very much. I do like monsters with player history attached.

But all of those were blunt applications for a blunt object. You don’t get to take credit for innovation by using a tool as intended. Rather, the instance I’m proud of happened in the first Eight Arms campaign, which took place mostly in the party’s home city. That city had a park, and inside that park lived a druid nicknamed Crazy Eddie. He was a legal resident of the city and by law technically could not be forced to vacate the park due to outstanding statutes only he remembered. He stood against modernization and wanted to preserve the last bit of relatively natural land in and around the city. Normally nobody would care, but in Pathfinder druids could have a tyrannosaurus as their animal companion, and as it turns out a giant dinosaur is an excellent deterrent to crime and government overreach.

Animal companion tyrannosauruses can normally only grow to large size, but I could not bring myself to care. In Pathfinder tyrannosauruses are normally gargantuan, so if they can be both size categories, they can also be the one in between. This let me use my mini again, so everybody was happy.

The players loved Crazy Eddie and his companion, and I think that’s mostly because he hated dealing with their characters and my players make an effort to inject frustration and entropy into every social system they come across. He and his tyrannosaurus made an appearance in the final city-wide battle, effectively defending the park from invaders by themselves, and the next time we have a campaign set in that city I’m going out of my way to make sure he shows up. Whether he is an ally or an enemy will depend on what the campaign is about and how likely the party is to be scared of a dinosaur in combat.

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S is for Stymphalidies, the End

Yesterday I talked about a creature I intended as the campaign villain from his first appearance. Today’s monster, not so much.

A stymphalidies is a large, carnivorous bird with beaks and feathers as sharp as metal. They’re based on the almost-identically-spelled stymphalides of Greek myth, who were the subject of the sixth labor of Hercules and maybe also met the Argonauts depending on whose translation you read. The Pathfinder version of the creature retains the ability to hurl its feathers and can also blind its enemies by reflecting torchlight at them like a middle-schooler with a wristwatch. They’re kind of like a flying bulette with lower offense and higher defense and ranged capability.

I hit my players with one during The Eight Arms and the Memento Mori, which was supposed to be our monster-hunting campaign. The campaign villain could control monsters through magic and song, and his mount of choice was a stymphalidies. I described it to the players as a shiny gold chocobo, and they not only understood both how it looked but also why it was a good choice for a character in an ocean-based campaign. The bird accompanied the villain everywhere, even waiting outside cafes during lunchtime. I intended it to serve as a deterrent in case the party tried to attack the villain before the campaign could come to a satisfying conclusion. Instead they befriended the villain and tried to seek a middle ground, talking him down from revolution while working to set him up with his own country.

When the plans to develop a sovereign state fell through, the villain decided to commit to war, commanding legions of sea monsters to devastate every coastal city he could. The party decided he had to be taken out, and they snuck into his house and killed him in his sleep. Not only was this incredibly unsatisfying for me as a DM, it ended the campaign on a down note in the middle of our scheduled session time, so I did the only thing that made sense and had the stymphalidies wake up and attack.

What followed was the most unexpected final boss I’ve ever run, and as you’ll recall from earlier in this month, I once designed a final boss during the fight that came immediately before it. The stymphalidies proved startlingly effective, blinding the party and tearing it apart with more attacks per round than was fair. Its mobility didn’t matter since the party’s main source of damage was an actual cannon, but its defensive skills worked wonders. There was a brief moment when I felt the players legitimately wondered whether they would win without casualties, and that’s half of what I want out of a final fight anyway. The other half is a fulfilling end to a story arc, and we lacked that, but if I had known where we were going I probably could have made it work too. Technically, any creature can be a climax if you sell it appropriately. I mean, your average player wouldn’t expect a chimera to be a final boss battle, but there you go.

I have a slow, ongoing project to get miniatures made of the final bosses from all of my campaigns. Somewhere alone the line, somebody is going to see this one and ask “What’s up with this bird? Was it like a chocobo wizard or something?” And I’ll say “Nope, dumb as a hammer. Funny story…”

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R’s for Rakshasa, a Foe and a Friend

Is this really the first monster with the accent on the second syllable? Cripes.

Every once in a while I like going back through books of monsters and wondering why I’ve never used certain creatures. Often the answer is something obvious, but every once in a while I stumble upon a gem for which I just hadn’t found the right setting. Today’s creature was in the first Monster Manual I ever picked up, and I rejected them because I thought they were weird and poorly-designed. I still think that. But the Pathfinder version fixed some of its problems, and I found it just in time to use it.

Rakshasas in D&D are inspired by, but seem to have nothing to do with, the creatures from Hindu mythology. In D&D they are tiger-headed humanoids with backward-facing hands and magical powers. They are evil, and you are now fully caught up on the culture and backstory of rakshasas as a race according to the 3E Monster Manual. 4E added that they can have other feline heads and they like nobility and finery, Pathfinder let them have any animal head and made them anti-religious, and the Bestiary 3 finally gave them an inkling of background by making the original rakshasas just one of a race called “rakshasas” for maximum confusion.

I want to come back to the 3E rakshasa to give you an idea of just how terrible a creature this was. When I said their culture was sparse, I wasn’t kidding. Here is the full text of the rakshasa’s entry after taking out their height, weight, language, and the description of their hands:

Some say rakshasas are the very embodiment of evil. Few beings are more malevolent.

I would say this is the worst sort of Saturday morning cartoon villainy, but even Skeletor had a backstory. Rakshasas are as boring as monsters come, and they’re no better in combat. Their physical ability scores are terrible, and their attack, damage, AC, and hit points are nowhere near what their CR warrants. All they have going for them offensively is the casting power of a 7th-level sorcerer, somewhat underwhelming to the 10th-level players who usually fight them. But it’s their defenses that make them shine like a ball of polished mud. They have ludicrously high damage reduction that can only be bypassed by a weapon both good and piercing, and their spell resistance lets them ignore some eighty percent of the spells cast at them. Fighting them is a slog without value, where either you have the perfect solution that can end them in one or two rounds (a holy pick or a spell that ignores SR) or you beat your head against them for a while as under-leveled magic plinks off you. It’s just bad.

I completely ignored the rakshasa for ten years, because that’s what it deserved. The Pathfinder version fixes a lot of these problems, mostly because Pathfinder was designed with some concept of appropriate statistics by CR. But also because they finally defined what rakshasas want to do in the world: corrupt society from within. I ran across them when I was building The Eight Arms and the Empire of Sin, where one of the major themes was “at what point does a society’s evil condemn it?”* And rakshasas have always had the ability to disguise themselves as a PC race to walk among them and act without hassle, so I had everything I needed.

In true rakshasa fashion, the players didn’t know they were dealing with one until the end of the campaign. He had set the wheels of the campaign in motion, convincing up a specific king to overextend himself and waiting for somebody to have a problem with it so he could set himself up as a leader once the king fell. He helped the party throughout the campaign, giving them information and connections when they needed them, and in the end he picked up the pieces. I did specifically want to avoid the “you have served me well, now you must die!” trope that always seems to knock villains off their pedestal, and once the rakshasa had power he gave the party and their guild cushy positions in his new order. I was mentally prepared for them to fight him anyway, but they shrugged and figured he was fine as long as he wasn’t actively hurting anybody (except for the paladin, who stormed off).

This is how a rakshasa should be used, not as a creature to actually fight but as a manipulator in the background. They’re not built for anything but surviving to fight another day, and that’s how their defenses and spells should be used, as escape mechanisms. There’s no fighting a rakshasa, only backing it into the corner like a feral cat.

Oh, feral cat, feline heads, I just got it.

* — This theme may be news to my players. But consider that the first act was about fighting the qlippoth, who wanted to fight the campaign villain’s evil acts but mind-controlled everybody to do it. The second act was about defending a sinful society, but by destroying the manifestations of that sin come to exact punishment. The third was about overthrowing a formerly-immoral kingdom that found religion and wanted to forcefully spread the word of good, but did it by killing anybody who opposed them. And the story ended with a rakshasa in charge of that kingdom intending to turn it into an even more debauched civilization than before, but in a benign way that caused no direct harm to its neighbors, and the party accepted it. I figured if my players want to kill angels, I might as well give the angels a reason to throw the first punch.

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Q is for Qlippoth; I Guess They’re from Space

I never understood the fascination with Lovecraft. I assume it’s because I’m an escapist who loves happy endings and triumphing over evil, and the Lovecraft mythos is about creatures so alien and powerful that to merely look upon them is to collapse the scaffolding of our ephemeral sanity, scattering our concepts of morality, strength, and even space like roaches in the light. Also, he was more than a little racist. But if yesterday’s post was any indication, I’m not above stealing the bits I like from something while ignoring the rest, and I can get some mileage out of Cthulhoid creatures.

Qlippoth are a race of outsiders in Pathfinder, like angels or demons. They existed before creatures who existed before time, they probably come from the most vast reaches of the Great Beyond, and they all have horrific appearance traits that inflict status ailments. Though their Bestiary 2 entry doesn’t mention the Great Old Ones, and the Bestiary 3 entry for the Great Old Ones doesn’t mention the qlippoth, their Lovecraftian influence is clear. They share no physical features and there’s no indication that they work together in any way. They have no culture besides “hurt things.” They’re D&D monsters in their purest form, bundles of dangerous abilities and little worldview or coherence, enemies of the sort only a fool would try to reason with.

The one thing that makes them significantly different from a typical Lovecraft creature is that they do, as a race, have one goal: they want to abolish sin. Originally they lived on the Abyss, and when the demons started rising from evil and taking over, the qlippoth figured out sin was the root cause of their woes. One might assume they would be militantly good, but a nuanced villain doesn’t suit the game’s intended narrative. No, instead the qlippoth reasoned that as sin was the root cause of demons, mortal life was the root cause of sin, so they want to destroy all mortals. Especially humanoids. Especially children and pregnant women, because if you’re going to kick a puppy you might as well go for a field goal. I hesitate to call them the result of lazy design, but they’re definitely the result of a lazy gaming culture.

Luckily, The Eight Arms and the Empire of Sin was about sin, so I had a chance to do something interesting with them instead of just slapping a crazy cult together and going on lunch break. The two lowest-level qlippoth are a sort of spore that infects tiny creatures and a squid thing that uses mind control. Their CRs were perfect for the party to fight several of the former and deal with the latter as a boss, so I built the first act of the campaign around them as a red herring villain. I went full horror with it; the books only provide the stats for a tiny infected creature, but there’s nothing in the monster entry to suggest there’s a size limit on what the spore can control. By the time the campaign started, a good portion of a major town had already been infected or dominated, and in the early sessions the players slowly learned just how far the spores had spread. It culminated in a battle against the squid and a hasty retreat as the infected townsfolk attacked the party, but after the spores died off the party received a hero’s welcome.

This as I understand it is how Lovecraftian horror should work, that growing sense of unease and otherness building to a point from which the protagonist cannot recover, spurred on by a gradual discovery about the true nature of things. D&D and Pathfinder have little patience for that, but I am very dumb and I tried to make it work. I’d say it went alright; I didn’t give any players nightmares, though I hit them hard enough for them to fear for themselves and others. I do think I about peaked the entertainment value of the qlippoth. I don’t see them as a campaign villain or even much of a recurring threat. They’re more about a brief moment of shock, maybe after a bit of buildup, and a battle. No matter how alien or special they’re supposed to be, they’re exactly like every other uninspired creature, and that’s the real sin.

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P is for Pumpkin-Head Guys on a Base

Today’s monster is special because it doesn’t exist. Or, rather, they don’t exist. They’re not in any rulebook, there’s no official mini for them, and as far as I know they aren’t even in a D&D video game. Because of this I can’t give you a second-paragraph description of the monster and how the designers intend it. Instead we go right into story time.

We like miniatures in our local gaming circle. We’re of the opinion that anything can be a miniature as long as it does the job a miniature does, which is to give a visual reference to everybody at the table. During our campaigns we’ve used action figures as giants, an upside-down glass as a Leever, a crab souvenir as a literal giant enemy crab, and an actual My Little Pony toy as the evil homebrew pony Sprinkle Gore. We especially like stealing miniatures from other games as long as they’re of an appropriate size, and at any given time I’m only a few inches away from springing for the Doom board game and convincing somebody to paint the miniatures so I can run some one-shots. We don’t care what an object’s origin is as long as we can use it.

At once point our FLGS owner liquidated the stock from some defunct miniatures games and essentially dropped several handfuls of weird miniatures in my lap. Some are very close to D&D, like the barbarian wielding a bone club, and some are not, like the screaming pillar made of worms or the most perfect mini for a Super Metroid space pirate you will ever see. Among this pile of strange was a set of the Knight of Autumn Gate minis from Dreamblade, large-sized people in dark armor with flaming swords and grinning pumpkin faces. I love Halloween and just about everything that goes with it, so I immediately set to finding a way to use them.

Boy did I. Those pumpkin-head minis have found their way into just about every campaign I’ve run since. Sometimes they’re just an ogre with a flaming sword, but more often they’re actual pumpkins of some variety. The first time was in the Tower Campaign where each floor of the tower was its own demiplane and the whole thing was curated by a set of, essentially, DMs. We often have an abbreviated player roster during summer months in a college town, and I decided to run a gaiden, a side story concurrent with but separate from the proper plot. In it, the pumpkins were rejected creatures from a Halloween-based floor who wanted to get back at the players who no longer had to fight them. The party fought their way through six of them (well, they fought five and befriended a sixth, because my players consider any plan of mine a challenge to them and they knew forcing me to use the same miniature for both an ally and an enemy at once would cause me physical distress) before making it to the arc villain, which meant I got more leverage out of that mini than I have from most.

Most recently they acted as guards in a prison made of glass and agate. I found a good picture of a tower with a strong Halloween motif, and when I showed it to the players, this exchange occurred:

Me: When you come over the hill, you see this.
Player 1: Neat.
Player 2: But it’s not even Halloween.
Player 3: Why is this a pumpkin tower if it’s not Halloween?
Me: Because I wanted to use the pumpkin minis.
Player 3: Yeah that’s fair.

The lesson here is the same as with the kruthik but stronger (take a much larger sip from that same beverage, which I assume you’ve kept handy for a week). Just as reskinning a creature but keeping the stats works, it works to keep just the look and change all the stats. Heck, that’s basically the entire design philosophy behind our Saturday campaign.

I will admit I’m not the first person to have this idea. Almost ten years ago to the day, Wizards posted an article about adapting Dreamblade minis to D&D, including a picture of the exact miniature I have. It should be noted that the article was published about eight months after Dreamblade came out and about six months before Wizards shut the line down, so I have to assume their motives were not entirely creative.

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O is for Orcs, Orc-Speak, and Orc Home

When I was putting together the campaign setting I’m using now, I wanted to give each race a country. I didn’t want the country of elves to have elves, only elves, and all elves, because that’s not just creatively bankrupt, it’s also very boring. But I did want a physical location that served as a historical and cultural center. Basically, I was going for something not unlike Europe, where Germany is the traditional but not exclusive home of Germans. This analogy helped me because it gave me some footholds to design each country and, more importantly, their accents: elves are French, gnomes are Irish, and so on. But I also thought it was ridiculous that only standard PC races could have countries, and you may recall that I love me some monstrous PCs, so a few of the classically “savage” races got promoted to the same level as humans and dwarves. Though I have ideas for micronations for gnolls or kobolds and the like, only two monstrous races have large established countries: goblinoids and orcs.

Physically, orcs have changed a lot over the years, perhaps more than any other monster. Depending on your edition, an orc could look like a moblin, an uruk-hai, a burly green person, or 4E’s off-duty fashion models. But mentally and societally they’re pretty much the same as they’ve always been. They like power, axes, and fighting, and they hate everybody, but mostly elves and dwarves in that order. Their groups are small and usually based around a leader who gained that position by beating the previous leader in a fight, and they subsist on the things they kill and the things they steal from the bodies.

Obviously this doesn’t much work in an advanced society. There’s no sense behind a nation of wandering tribes who want to kill each other. In order to promote orcs to the same level as PC races, I had to come up with a reason they could work together and a reason they could settle down enough to build cities, both notions antithetical to orcs as we traditionally interpret them. I ended up giving them a country replete with natural resources, so harvesting and selling them was a much safer and more direct path to power and wealth than physically fighting over who got to sit on land they couldn’t fully leverage, and I made churches the main source of power in the land. As a rule orcs usually follow whatever the most orc-like deity in the edition is, and converting that from worship of one god to two or three separate churches worshipping similar but different gods wasn’t that much of a stretch. None of those religions has Gruumsh’s “kill everything you can catch” tenets, and they act as a stabilizing influence to keep the country together. Take those changes and apply them for a few hundred years, and you end up with orcs that still mostly look and act and think like you know, but in a culturally elevated way.

I still had to decide what their real-world inspiration was, and it wasn’t long before I settled on Russian. It fit geographically because I didn’t want them to share any borders with human, elven, or dwarven lands. It fit culturally given the importance of religion in historical Russia, as least as far as I researched it. It fit economically with power, wealth, and population focused more in the west, near the other countries, and less in the east. Perhaps most importantly, it was an accent I could do. With that connection we built it up more and more, keeping in mind the orcish base and the needs of our campaign setting, into the hybrid we have today.

My players have graciously indulged these real-world analogies in our campaign setting. When I first told them orcs were Russian, the response was “yeah, okay, that makes sense”. One of the players even jumped on it, declaring that he was involved in a war against orcs so he could hate them with that strange sort of self-righteousness typical of entrenched racism. I rewarded his contribution with a mini-campaign in which an orc stabbed him with a poisonous blade and his interns had to venture into orc country to chase the assassin before he succumbed to his wounds. He loved it.

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N is for Nerras, Shiny and Chrome

I have a reason for liking the minotaur: it’s basic and it’s functional. I have a reason for liking kruthiks: they gave me one of the most epic player stories I have. Almost everything I talk about this month had some application in-game that let to my opinion of it. Today’s monster didn’t. I just thought they looked cool.

Nerras are a race of mirror-people from the rarely-used Plane of Mirrors. They’re smooth, glasslike, almost-featureless humanoids with a ludicrous amount of elemental resistances, laughably inflated level adjustments, and spell resistance that reflects spells back on their caster. They can teleport using reflective surfaces, they have glass weapons, and basically everything they do has “mirror” in it somewhere because culture is hard. They’re supposed to be insistently neutral in alignment, but they tend toward voyeurism, kidnapping, arrogance, and sometimes massive interplanar invasions, so take that with a grain of salt.

They’re also not very good as monsters. Almost every power they have is defensive, including their spell-like abilities, so fighting them is a slog. Their mirror jump lets them flee battles, so pinning them down for an actual fight is difficult. They weird shard weapons, special blades that deal Constitution damage except when players wield them, so battling them has long consequences. They work best as hidden foes subtly working in the background of a campaign, but because of everything above, getting your hands on a nerra for the payoff battle isn’t terribly fun or satisfying.

But I didn’t recognize any of this early in my career, and I like metal and glass things aesthetically, so nerras become one of the recurring threats in my first campaign. Luckily the players tended toward physical damage and had a decent healer on staff, so only the sorcerer was really put out by them. All told they were pretty lackluster, and I doubt my players would even remember they were in the campaign given how little they contributed to the plot.

Except for one. Through actions lost to history, the players managed to befriend a kalareem, a nerra front-line fighter who dual-wields longswords, a laughably bad idea at its level only feasible at all because the game designers made a rules error and allowed it to use Weapon Finesse. Suddenly pressed to give a personality to this random encounter, I named him Charlie Sheen, because “sheen” is a word you could use when discussing mirrors and “sheen” and “kalareem” are half-rhymes. He traveled with the party for the rest of the session, fighting alongside them albeit ineffectively. When they group killed some giant shocker lizards and skinned them to make jackets, they gave one to him as a sign of solidarity. That nerra they remember, but only alongside those jackets.

For sake of comparison, the party consisted of Lucien Taylor, a tailor, Rei Halfly, halfling ray specialist, Gary “Smasher” Stubblefeld, who thought the epithet “Smasher” was especially clever, and Meldran Karameikos, who was named after the kingdom of Karameikos in Mystara even though the character and campaign had nothing to do with Mystara. It was not our finest hour in character naming.

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